I laughed out loud
such truth!
like a cool breeze
what about you?
what turns you on
takes your breath away
I wish that for you today.
For me today it was reading the comment that Mama K made on Jan Trittan's blog.
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, October 06, 2008
The 7 Secrets of Being a Homebirth Dad
Hurray, I've found another great blog! LOVE IT! Above is the link to a lovely midwife from Australia, her blog, her knowledge, her bravery, her humor. You don't want to scroll past this one! Thanks again to Robin Elise Weiss at About.com Guide to Pregnancy/Birth, who pointed me this way - Wow, I've been reading Robin since 1989! Enjoy. -R
Hmmm on a different note, I sure know a lot of women named Robin. I've had a few doula clients named Robin. One has moved to Australia and now lives in Africa (congratulations on your new baby girl!). Some of the coincidences that happen as a doula are funny. One time I had like three Stephanie's at the same time. Once I had clients that were due close together and lived close together. I had to really think about which house I was driving to! Can you imagine me showing up at the wrong home in the middle of the night (when labor always happens)! My boyfriend calls me his personal Thomas Bros (map) or his GPS (global positioning system) because I know my way around so many neighborhoods in San Diego!
Speaking of far off places, I have a doula friend who moved to Israel. I miss my doula friends who move. Another one is in Northern CA and one is in Arizona. I learned so much from my doula clients who were from Newfoundland, Thanks Kevin! I've learned about different music, religions and cultures in my birth travels. I love to hear about the care that women in other cultures receive. I think that American women should receive longer maternity leave and more prenatal rituals.
Here are some of the things I learned about the rituals of India.
The Indian baby shower is called the “godh bharai” in Hindi (“srimanth” in Gujarat, “dohale jewan” in Maharashtra). It is held in the seventh month of the pregnancy. It consists of a dinner party for all relatives and a ceremonious part which in most cases only women attend. Everyone is dressed up almost as for a wedding.The mother-to-be is given a small red dot on her forehead for good luck. Her mother and mother-in-law fill her lap (hence “godh bharai”: “godh” for her lap and “bharna” “to fill”) with gifts that are considered good omens: jewelry, gifts, and one rupee and a quarter rupee coins. Her sister-in-law ties a yellow thread around her right wrist: this “nada chhadi” will protect her and her child from evil spirits.
One couple told me that the women are covered with sweet fragrant flowers and taken into her mothers home where she is fed special foods and cared for diligently. The women goes back to her husband and her home only after her baby can raise his head! Another couple I met was lucky enough to have both grandmas’ take turns coming from India to San Diego to provide the special foods and care for mom postpartum. No postpartum doula could beat that!
What are your family customs around birth, death, marriage? Any daily customs? Mine is to pray. My grandmothers were praying women. I hope to pass this custom on to my children and grandchildren.
Birth brings the world together on many levels. It helped me during my labors and has helped many laboring women to remember all the women giving birth around the world at that moment and to call on the love and support of her ancestors that have given birth before her. Mothers have a special connection. No matter where in the world I travel I am at home around birth. -Rosie
Hurray, I've found another great blog! LOVE IT! Above is the link to a lovely midwife from Australia, her blog, her knowledge, her bravery, her humor. You don't want to scroll past this one! Thanks again to Robin Elise Weiss at About.com Guide to Pregnancy/Birth, who pointed me this way - Wow, I've been reading Robin since 1989! Enjoy. -R
Hmmm on a different note, I sure know a lot of women named Robin. I've had a few doula clients named Robin. One has moved to Australia and now lives in Africa (congratulations on your new baby girl!). Some of the coincidences that happen as a doula are funny. One time I had like three Stephanie's at the same time. Once I had clients that were due close together and lived close together. I had to really think about which house I was driving to! Can you imagine me showing up at the wrong home in the middle of the night (when labor always happens)! My boyfriend calls me his personal Thomas Bros (map) or his GPS (global positioning system) because I know my way around so many neighborhoods in San Diego!
Speaking of far off places, I have a doula friend who moved to Israel. I miss my doula friends who move. Another one is in Northern CA and one is in Arizona. I learned so much from my doula clients who were from Newfoundland, Thanks Kevin! I've learned about different music, religions and cultures in my birth travels. I love to hear about the care that women in other cultures receive. I think that American women should receive longer maternity leave and more prenatal rituals.
Here are some of the things I learned about the rituals of India.
The Indian baby shower is called the “godh bharai” in Hindi (“srimanth” in Gujarat, “dohale jewan” in Maharashtra). It is held in the seventh month of the pregnancy. It consists of a dinner party for all relatives and a ceremonious part which in most cases only women attend. Everyone is dressed up almost as for a wedding.The mother-to-be is given a small red dot on her forehead for good luck. Her mother and mother-in-law fill her lap (hence “godh bharai”: “godh” for her lap and “bharna” “to fill”) with gifts that are considered good omens: jewelry, gifts, and one rupee and a quarter rupee coins. Her sister-in-law ties a yellow thread around her right wrist: this “nada chhadi” will protect her and her child from evil spirits.
One couple told me that the women are covered with sweet fragrant flowers and taken into her mothers home where she is fed special foods and cared for diligently. The women goes back to her husband and her home only after her baby can raise his head! Another couple I met was lucky enough to have both grandmas’ take turns coming from India to San Diego to provide the special foods and care for mom postpartum. No postpartum doula could beat that!
What are your family customs around birth, death, marriage? Any daily customs? Mine is to pray. My grandmothers were praying women. I hope to pass this custom on to my children and grandchildren.
Birth brings the world together on many levels. It helped me during my labors and has helped many laboring women to remember all the women giving birth around the world at that moment and to call on the love and support of her ancestors that have given birth before her. Mothers have a special connection. No matter where in the world I travel I am at home around birth. -Rosie
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
LIZARD BIRTH
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?'I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. 'Hone y,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!''Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having babies. ''What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom ! 'I was equally outraged. 'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically)...'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' Ireminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm).By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,'I announced.. 'We're about to witness the miracle of birth.'' Oh, gross! ' they shrieked 'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for goodness sake.).The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us.. 'This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed,? glancing at my wife.We were silent, absorbing this.'So, Ernie's just---just . . . excited,' my wife offered.'Exactly,' the vet replied , relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. 'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just that . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its. .. teeny, little ,,,,' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,' he told me. 'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:Priceless!
Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.Lizards lay eggs!
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?'I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. 'Hone y,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!''Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having babies. ''What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom ! 'I was equally outraged. 'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically)...'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' Ireminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm).By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,'I announced.. 'We're about to witness the miracle of birth.'' Oh, gross! ' they shrieked 'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for goodness sake.).The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us.. 'This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed,? glancing at my wife.We were silent, absorbing this.'So, Ernie's just---just . . . excited,' my wife offered.'Exactly,' the vet replied , relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. 'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just that . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its. .. teeny, little ,,,,' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,' he told me. 'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:Priceless!
Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.Lizards lay eggs!
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