OPEN!

Yes. Being THAT open can be painful. Being vulnerable, raw, open to change, opening your heart and your arms to welcome a new life is almost always an intense, powerful, painful, and mind blowing experience.

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I wonder why we call childbirth "Labor" instead of "Open"? "She's in labor", is what we often hear. "She's opening, it's her birthing time" resonates more with me. What words would you like to use? How can we change the language around birth to better draw a visual picture of woman's power and beauty during her opening time? Much of the way we communicate has changed in recent years. Many new words have been born. Some old words have died. Some old words carry new meaning today. I propose that we rethink the words we associate with birth. As part of the work we are doing to improve birth I believe language around birth must be considered. Childbirth is about opening! It is eye opening for sure! Discovering how you got here, how your mom opened for you to be born is eye opening. Discovering how 300,000 women are opening every day to birth their precious baby is eye opening especially when you are one of those women on the day you give birth. The day you OPEN.

Your doula will encourage you to go for it! Be courageous, allow yourself to OPEN.

Your doula will not judge you if you want to take it nice and slow. You are going to OPEN in your time. Not your husbands time. Not your doctors time. Not even the worlds time. Actually I often think THERE IS NO time in birth. Only opening. Lots of opening.

You should know this too. That when you are opening and your mouth opens, and your instinct may be to bite something or someone, your doula will be watching closely so that you won't bite your partner or your doula. In the photo above it is possible that the working woman is at that place where biting may be her instinct. This is just one of the little things that people don't talk much about. We may have a good laugh about this moment at our postpartum meeting. But it's not really dinner party talk (except for in doula groups). This biting story is one that slips into the footnotes of your birth story and is soon forgotten....except by your doula. ♥

Something else.

When looking at the photo above what do you see?  I see a woman pushing her baby out. She is working hard. Please look again at this image and imagine with me that this woman just crossed the finish line after running a full marathon. Imagine her partner is just giving her a towel and helping her dry her wet, sweaty, cramping body as she's bent over catching her breath. Image she is SO relieved to have crossed the finish line that she is crying. Pause. How does the marathon story make you feel (feel in your gut)? Inspired? Marathon runners invoke admiration and positive emotions from most of us.  Why is it that very different feelings, like sympathy and fear, surface for many people when they realize this is a photo of childbirth?

What else do you see in this photo?  As I notice the woman who is bent over, working hard, I also notice that she has 'another woman' by her side and that woman is CLOSE to her. The other woman is leaning in to assist the working woman with something. This helper looks confident to me.  She probably loves the working woman. The helping woman looks like she has done this before.  To me the dude appears to have a furrowed brow. He may have never been in this position before. He is loving and willing (he's there isn't he?) but he may be baffled and a little disturbed by this emotional, raw, display by his loved one. Another thing I notice is that the working woman is encircled by support and love. This is the thing she will remember. Even more than her gold medal. In twenty years as she is driving down the street she will be daydreaming of that finish line and remember her power and she will remember these two people. Or she will be overcoming another life hurdle and remember her successful work on this day. She will draw from the power of this day. She will remember to call on a support circle and she will face this new hurdle with confidence. ♥

Recent Birth News

A Home Birth
One of the best doulas in San Diego, CA is Dawn Thompson! Oh! I know that some of you are thinking, "My doula is the best!" Yes, San Diego has a phenomenal bunch of doulas. But all of them will tell you the same thing, Dawn is one of the best! I have had the privledge of knowing Dawn for a few years now and you will soon learn from reading her recent birth story, she is a very normal, down to earth, no-nonsence, fun girl! Dawn's a woman that has found her true calling, Dawn works hard to serve the birthing community and serve her family. She is inspirational one moment and then hilariously normal the next.
On Mothers Day Dawn gave birth to her baby boy, Luke. He weighed 9lbs8oz. Luke's birth story is titled, "A Doula's Journey to Vaginal Birth After Three C-Sections. Congratulations Dawn!!!! Welcome Luke James Thompson!!!
I love the fact that on the Saturday morning before Luke was born, even though Dawn was having early labor, "different than bracton hicks, taking all Mom's attention for a few short seconds every so often (still spaced out), we met at the movie theater to watch the documentary, BABIES. My sil, my niece, my mom, Dawn, her mom, her daughter and I enjoyed the movie. And then not 24 hours later I got the call that Luke was here! Born at home into his daddy's and mommies hands.
See Dawn's website, read about how, as a postpartum doula, Dawn has spent over 11,000 hours with families and their newborns and what those babies taught her. Dawn developed a famously popular Natural Newborn Sleep video

Two Hospital Births
I was blessed to be the doula at two births recently. They were so different. I always 'say' that and it is soooo true. No two labors or births are the same! One was the longest ever and one was the shortest ever! Both were first time moms. Both desired to birth naturally. Both births were vaginal hospital births. Yay! When the statistics are stacking up in favor of cesereans, vaginal birth gets a YAY! The short labor was completely natural. The other mom had a very short epidural near the end of her 42 hour labor.

A Lesson Relearned
The mom that had a short labor might not have considered it short; painless yes, short no. She experienced mild cramping and bloody show for 18 hours. But up until three hours before the birth I seriously thought 'not the real thing'. My only clue that this was the real thing was when dad said, "She won't get off the toilet". The next thing a doula does is speak to the mom. I said, "I'll be right there". As I joined her in her labor room (the bathroom) mom seemed fine, I mean really fine! But upon standing her up to "get this going" mom hung on me and PUSHED! No one minute long contractions, never two minutes apart. I am so glad that I listened to my instincts and remembered my own advice that everyone, each one, births differently.
YOU ARE UNIQUE!

By the way, fast mom got to the hospital in plenty of time. We were at the hospital a whole 40 minutes before baby was born! It was actually a fun, smiling time, the whole time! So much for the :) :\ :( stages of labor!

The longer birth story will take a lot longer to blog and a lot of space, so I'll save that one for another day...and another lesson. :)

Congratulations to all the new Mommies, Daddies & Babies!!!
Truely truely I am blessed.

Sometimes Everyone Needs A Doula

...or Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Every New Years Day I do a hike with my boyfriend, Craig. This year we decided to drive in the Rancho Bernardo neighborhood that spits us out onto a fireroad that leads to hills and large rock formations the southwest side of Lake Hodges. Our regular hike/walk is on two trails on the northeast side of the lake. I always have been intrigued by the steep hills 'across the water'. It's that hill where the mysterious lone house sits, between the I-15 and Del Dios Highway.

The path became boring so we headed up a ravine towards the rocks, towards the top of the hill. It was fun, steep but fun. We stopped often to appreciate the view (and catch our breath). The walk became a climb towards the top...foothold, handhold, foothold, etc. Then I realized I couldn't do the last bit, I was too tired. I was stuck high on a boulder with no way out! I could not go down and I could not go forward.

This realization was quickly followed by fear. "Call 911" ran through my head. Thank goodness I always carry my cell phone (even though we're often out of service area).

By now you are asking yourself, how does this story have anything to do with birth. Here we go : ) ...Labor is often explained as "picture yourself climbing a steep hill", at first you can chat and enjoy the scenery. After laboring (hiking) for awhile you need to concentrate on your breathing and stop for frequent drinks of water. After awhile longer you might be audibly breathing and complaining to your hiking, i mean, labor partner. Soon you learn that complaining doesn't help so you forge ahead and think about the finish line - meeting your baby! In labor some people sing about their favorite things (as in Mary Poppins ) or rock out with their Ipod. Some women just sway with the music. Still other women pray. That is what I did in my predicament on the rock. It's also often what I do at birth. I pray when I am with women that are birthing. I pray to Jesus. Other doula friends chant to their gods. Birth is a spiritual experience.

Towards the end of labor some women will do just what i did on my mountain hike, become fearful, give up, run out of energy. What now? Call 911? Nope. If you have a good labor coach or doula they will say the right things to help alleviate your fears. Once you calm down and relax your birthing muscles birth happens with a lot less pain. Sometimes you need more than a calm voice. My hiking partner (and life partner), Craig, had to use a stern voice with me. I was panicked. When he got through to me and I made the conscious decision to trust him. He lead me out of my dilemma, onto solid ground. I felt like kissing the ground!

One part of my experience that is common to laboring mommies is that I was 'In My Head', spinning worst case scenario, the 'what if' kind. What if I fall and twist my ankle or break my back or get head injury or die... See where my head took me? Spiraling out of control were my thoughts followed by my fears and my pain, powerlessness, and finally surrender. Ahhh sweet surrender (more on that below).

I usually am very comfortable climbing and hiking miles off the trail in unknown territory (Birth is unknown territory for many). But those spinning stories further paralysed me and my natural instincts and intuition went out the door. This commonly happens to women in childbirth. You may have heard your midwife or doula say, Let Your Monkey Do It. Ina May Gaskin wrote about letting your monkey do it in Spiritual Midwifery. Another way to say it is "Stay out of your brain" during labor. This is a challenge in a hospital full of strangers asking questions and technology beeping away. Birthing From Within training taught me a Non Focused Awareness practice that works great in many life's circumstances but especially labor. I was practicing NFA early on - staying in the moment - feeling the breeze, sun, sweat, listening to every sound and smelling the weeds, wildflowers...but in my panicked state I did not practice NFA on the hardest part of my hike. I needed a coach to talk me through each step back to safe ground. That is what a birth doula does.

So I surrendered to my hiking partner's directions and got myself to safety. I surrendered to the helplessness of my situtation. This is not a bad time to surrender. In our society surrender is a horrible thing. We need to be strong! right? Well sometimes folks we just need to let go. In Birth and on the Rock I let go. I remember when I was stuck for what seemed to be hours at 7 centimeters while having my last baby at home. My midwife said (oh so sweetly), "You appear to be thrashing, try to stay quietly still and let that energy go to the contraction" or something to that effect. In my brain I thought "F- - - YOU!" But in my body I trusted her and did exactly as directed. I went to complete or 10 centimeters instantly! And met my baby soon after.

On the rock, I was holding on to a ledge for dear life. My partner sternly told me to "let go" and "grab my hand". Are you kidding me! I brain thought, "No way am I letting go of this rock ledge". It was all I knew, it was solid. I had visions of me pulling Craig down the abyss with me. But in my body I did exactly as my trusted loving partner directed and landed on solid ground!

Its scary to let go. Be brave. Birth Blessings, Rosie

Picture above is the rock I got stuck on and here I am before the hard part of the hike.