2014 Births & Blessings

Photograph by Robin Baker

I haven't blogged in awhile but I have kept true to my old fashioned journal. Also I confess my Facebook addiction eats up way too much of my time. I've missed blogging. In these final days of 2014 I would like to share a few important memories that I also would like to document and hey maybe someone out there will read this and feel some connection to the story or to me or to their present situation. Isn't that why we write and read, to feel connected? I love to read. I love to feel like the writer is writing about me or I like to read things that stretch me and make me learn or help me to examine my beliefs. Maybe a belief out there that I never really looked at, that is no longer necessary, maybe holding me back or causing me and those I love pain. Maybe there is a belief out there that wants to bring me more joy, love, peace. My wish is that you have more of all that in 2015!

...When did I write that last paragraph? What interrupted me? I'm laughing out loud. I've learned to laugh at myself more, at my attention deficit disorder and my 'too many to count' imperfections. Hold on, off I go to gather my journals. I can't find my leather one. It's precious and full of birth stories and I am sure it will surface. But I found other pieces of stories to share with you. As I look forward to 2015 I want to give thanks to God for all the ways He blessed me in 2014. When I sit under the stars some nights and talk to God here is the abbreviated thank you list, "Thanks for my grandchildren, my children, my parents, my siblings, my nephews and nieces, extended family and friends near and far, a roof over my head, my dogs, cat, chickens, for my day job and for calling me to birth work, to Doula work!"

This year I want to thank every woman who invited me to accompany her on her birthing journey. Thank you to her partner who welcomed me with open arms and who allowed me to witness some tearfully tender, intimate, moments between the two of you. In our prenatal time I heard about your love story, sometimes your first kiss, sometimes your proposal, but always in the partners words, in that voice she loves. I love those prenatal hours when we can talk about everything under the sun. Where we came from. Where we're going. Our most painful and passionate moments. I know we won't be able to speak like this in labor. Labor is when we breathe. We speak softly and use words sparingly. Our hearts are already entwined. We share looks and hands signals so as not to disturb the birth process. Your beloved.

Thank you to each baby who I was honored to meet on that special birth day! Thank you Scout, Fletcher, Ember, Anna, Faith, Elijah, Donovan, Olivia, Brielle, Bodie, Liam & Elena (vaginal born twins), Mason, Cameron and Alexis. I'll love you forever!

I was surprised at so many turns during each of your journeys earth side! You taught me so much! Some of you came so fast that I have needed to re-examine my prenatal time spent preparing parents for the normally long stages of labor when they can (usually) linger on their favorite walking trail, and carry on and "live life until you get the urge to push". One of you came when I stepped out of the hospital room into the hallway for a moment. I was talking to your grandma on the phone, reassuring her that all was well. It was meant to be that you would come with just your mama and daddy together with your nurse. After all your sister had been born to a room full of family and you wanted to be more private. It was special because daddy had just returned from his deployment. He'd missed so much but he didn't miss your quick-as-a-wink birth!

You all brought me to my knees. I heard your mama's heart, her deep desire to birth you vaginally, or naturally, or standing on her head!  Hahaha! got cha there! Oh how I wanted what she wanted!! I knew your story would go down in history, I like to call it "herstory" because it is your mama's story. Your birth story will be told and retold for generations and we all know that your mama is a brave, strong, birthing warrior, fearless, and so confident! But as ancient woman-to-woman care made good sense to her, she paid me well to help ensure this day would be all she hoped. Not all went as planned. Three of you were born by Cesarean birth; one emergency Cesarean, one repeat Cesarean and one primary Cesarean. I firmly believe that there is a time and a season for everything under heaven. And I believe there is a reason that you, my three Cesarean babies, were born this way. Not what your mama expected or wanted but in that decision she was born a mommy, answering your call for help as she always will. We know you did your very best to come safely into our arms and I know your mom and daddy did their best to help you come in the safest way for you and I know I did my best so that is that, you came in the perfect way for you!

Each of your mama's was, in my mind, holding on to the hand of God, calling to her God and exhibiting supernatural powers when doing the work of birthing you! I saw wonders, miracles, the unthinkable happen before my eyes. Then you were here, in her arms.

Statistics don't mean much when I consider your individual labors, births, families, and your very unique and special personalities. But just for the books 81% of you were vaginal births, 19% were Cesarean births. Of those born vaginally 25% of you were naturally born and 56% of your mama's had some form of medical intervention, like medication to start or speed up labor or medication for pain, or artificial rupture of membranes, or assisted birth with suction. Two of you were born at Birth Centers, Fourteen of you were born in hospitals, Two of you were Vaginal Births After Cesarean (one VBAC, one VBA2C). Four of you were caught by a midwife. One of my clients this year was a repeat client who I've had the pleasure of being invited to all three of her children's births! You can't imagine how special this birth was! Baby was born into water, caught by her Mama. I'm looking forward to two repeat clients (that I know of) in 2015!

One of your birth notes read:

 Text @ 10:30PM, waters leaking.  2AM phone chat. Mom sounds great!  It sounds like Dad is up and keeping her company.  Surges 6 mins. apart, still short. Walking, hands & knees, watching TV, showered. Didn't like ball, doesn't want touching. Will try heating pad. Very exciting happy day! Baby born @ 6:16AM

Even after I arrived at your home, sometime between 3AM and 4AM, your mom was acting typical of early labor. But it was her desire to go to hospital. I have learned to always do what a birthing woman wants, her instincts are usually right on! We got there just in time!

Thanks for sharing this walk down memory lane with me. Thank you for remembering to send prayers my way throughout the coming year. I will do the same for you. Thank you to my teachers, besides the Mama's and Babies. Thanks to teachers like my Doula Sisters (you know who you are), my Midwife friends like Joni Nichols, Nicole Morales, Jewel Hernandez, Thanks for the Rebozo training Gena Kirby, I cannot say how many times I reference your work Anna Verwaal, and Karen Strange, and Gail Tully of Spinning Babies, and Pam England and Virginia Bobro of Birthing From Within. Mostly thank you to my mom who showed me when she carried each of my seven siblings, in her belly and in her arms, how to be a soft, loving, strong and wise woman and mother, how pregnancy is a privilege, birth is a miracle, and life is a gift.

Happy New Year All! Here are some moments from 2014

My mom and me

My daughter and grandson

My son and grandson

Ember's Birth

It was just another day....in birth paradise! Ember was born gently into her mama's hands in a warm tub of water as the witnesses, her midwife, her daddy, her grandmother , her photographer and me the doula quietly, silently, breathed in the holy aire, the sacredness of birth! It seemed God was there too. Time stood still. I was changed. Everyone was. Birth changes the world. Can you feel it? All the babies coming today, even right now, are changing you...changing us...changing me.

It was my honor to attend the birth of Ember. I attended the births of Ember's big sister and brother too. These three little ones, this family, hold a special place in my heart. Watch the video below and you'll fall in love with them too. Each and every birth I attend is so gosh darn special to me! I am so very grateful to Megan for inviting me to be her doula and grateful and humbled to be called to birthings, called to birth work.

Ember's Birth Day from Angelina Lopez on Vimeo.

Megan has had her first baby at a hospital but chose to have her last two babies at Best Start Birth Center. Michelle Kazmier was her wonderful midwife.

OPEN!

Yes. Being THAT open can be painful. Being vulnerable, raw, open to change, opening your heart and your arms to welcome a new life is almost always an intense, powerful, painful, and mind blowing experience.

http://wonderfullymadebelliesandbabies.blogspot.com/

I wonder why we call childbirth "Labor" instead of "Open"? "She's in labor", is what we often hear. "She's opening, it's her birthing time" resonates more with me. What words would you like to use? How can we change the language around birth to better draw a visual picture of woman's power and beauty during her opening time? Much of the way we communicate has changed in recent years. Many new words have been born. Some old words have died. Some old words carry new meaning today. I propose that we rethink the words we associate with birth. As part of the work we are doing to improve birth I believe language around birth must be considered. Childbirth is about opening! It is eye opening for sure! Discovering how you got here, how your mom opened for you to be born is eye opening. Discovering how 300,000 women are opening every day to birth their precious baby is eye opening especially when you are one of those women on the day you give birth. The day you OPEN.

Your doula will encourage you to go for it! Be courageous, allow yourself to OPEN.

Your doula will not judge you if you want to take it nice and slow. You are going to OPEN in your time. Not your husbands time. Not your doctors time. Not even the worlds time. Actually I often think THERE IS NO time in birth. Only opening. Lots of opening.

You should know this too. That when you are opening and your mouth opens, and your instinct may be to bite something or someone, your doula will be watching closely so that you won't bite your partner or your doula. In the photo above it is possible that the working woman is at that place where biting may be her instinct. This is just one of the little things that people don't talk much about. We may have a good laugh about this moment at our postpartum meeting. But it's not really dinner party talk (except for in doula groups). This biting story is one that slips into the footnotes of your birth story and is soon forgotten....except by your doula. ♥

Something else.

When looking at the photo above what do you see?  I see a woman pushing her baby out. She is working hard. Please look again at this image and imagine with me that this woman just crossed the finish line after running a full marathon. Imagine her partner is just giving her a towel and helping her dry her wet, sweaty, cramping body as she's bent over catching her breath. Image she is SO relieved to have crossed the finish line that she is crying. Pause. How does the marathon story make you feel (feel in your gut)? Inspired? Marathon runners invoke admiration and positive emotions from most of us.  Why is it that very different feelings, like sympathy and fear, surface for many people when they realize this is a photo of childbirth?

What else do you see in this photo?  As I notice the woman who is bent over, working hard, I also notice that she has 'another woman' by her side and that woman is CLOSE to her. The other woman is leaning in to assist the working woman with something. This helper looks confident to me.  She probably loves the working woman. The helping woman looks like she has done this before.  To me the dude appears to have a furrowed brow. He may have never been in this position before. He is loving and willing (he's there isn't he?) but he may be baffled and a little disturbed by this emotional, raw, display by his loved one. Another thing I notice is that the working woman is encircled by support and love. This is the thing she will remember. Even more than her gold medal. In twenty years as she is driving down the street she will be daydreaming of that finish line and remember her power and she will remember these two people. Or she will be overcoming another life hurdle and remember her successful work on this day. She will draw from the power of this day. She will remember to call on a support circle and she will face this new hurdle with confidence. ♥

Today's email to one of my sweet new mommy's

Hi Mama, below is a great local resource for breastfeeding moms. The owner of San Diego Breastfeeding Center is a lovely lady named Robin Kaplan.  Call her if you have questions. The Breastfeeding Support group meets every Wednesday @ 12:30-2:00PM

1947 30th Street
San Diego, CA 92102
(619) 606-2211

Babies In Bloom is another great local resource. Rochelle McLean is the owner and as close to an angel as you'll ever meet! Babies in Bloom's breastfeeding support group, called the Lactation Lounge is held on Tuesdays and Fridays. Check out the events calendar here. You may also be interested in the Baby Wearing 101 class this Saturday @ 11AM!

1988 Hacienda Drive
Vista, CA 92081 View Map
760-940-BABY

My favorite breastfeeding resource online is www.kellymom.com  If you look through all the heading and you will find this resource provides an endless amount of sensible information! 

Did you call your doctor about your concern with your postpartum bleeding?  Also, how are your hemorrhoids? Better? Worse? The same? Did you read anything helpful in the information I sent?

Your Baby Shower was beautiful! You looked amazing and well what can I say about your handsome little man?!! *Sigh* I only wished he would have opened his eyes. But new babies rarely do when their belly is full and the sun is bright & warm and all the arms that held him were so loving. Anyways I know that he knew I was there :)

God bless you today dear sweet Mama! 

Rosie (Peterson) Curtis, Doula
760-443-6471 cell 24/7

Doula Services & Testimonials

Note to reader: 1)I want to mention that although I did attend this clients baby shower I rarely ever go to baby showers of my Doula clients. I would have NO personal life if I attended each 1st birthday party and baby shower that I was invited to. That is a hard reality. 2) Please notice that I refer my clients to their Doctor or Care Provider and real live, local support people (Lactation Consultants, etc.) before I refer to websites.
 

Birth News

Robin laboring with Owen 2007

I love being a birth doula! I love my clients! I love being on-call! I even feel out of sorts when I am not on-call.  I think my revised schedule of taking one or two families every month is perfect for me. This allows me to look forward to my prenatal and postpartum meetings, still see my grandchildren and my large extended family and attend some doula circles and some continuing education (Rebozo, Spinningbabies, Neonatal Resuscitation).

I would love to share with you the last few birth stories and some photos of the amazing, inspirational families I meet! But the premise of doula work is that it's private. "It's Your Body, Your Baby, Your Birth" is not just a empty quote. It is her birth. Her's to process, grieve, celebrate, revel in, share intimately or with the world! It's the new Mommy's story. She made a baby, a whole new world, she made herstory!

If I attended your birth please let me know if you would like to share your birth story here (with my two readers) or share the birth story I wrote here. Or if I can link your webpage and your story ~ that would be nice too.

I will share just a bit, scattering the details so these stories could be anyone's.  Labor Day is a good day to labour in childbirth, rightly so don't you think? Last year and again this year I attended Labor Day births.  This year a first time mom had her baby in 6 hrs. 20 minutes. Her grace, her delicately selected, sweet, soft words were magical. At one point I was across the Birth Center suite as she labored in the warm tub, encouraging her baby, urging him with loving words to come into her arms. Only the midwife, who was by moms side, heard her words. I could see this midwife was moved. I only wished I'd been within earshot.

I attended a homebirth the next day. I got the call at like 4AM, arrived at  4:30AM and baby was born at 4:44AM. I am so glad that I had spent a day the week before listening to mom's fears and doing some prodromal, prelabor contractions with her. When her contractions did not change and it was getting late, mom took a hot shower, we did some side lying release and I tucked her in bed with a hot water bottle on her back. She slept through the night and I went home in the morning. A week later I barely had time to say a few words of encouragement and BABY WAS HERE!

I especially enjoyed interacting with the older sibling at this homebirth. The 3 year old big sister was such a delightful, sweet and busy birth attendant as the sun rose on her baby sisters birth day!

A few days ago I attended another first time Mommy. She gave birth in a Birth Center that does not do water births. The midwives do not have permission to catch babies in the water. They have nice labor tubs that women can use to labor in (Moms LOVE the warm water!). Then they move the woman to the bed for the birth. The birth should not happen in the water. Last night this FANTASTICALLY laboring woman surprised the midwife when her baby almost slipped out in the water - Oops. The midwife had stepped out of the room, thinking the mom would be pushing a little longer. I noticed a good size caput of baby slip out during the next contraction and called the midwife back. The mom stood up and the midwife caught the baby. The midwife handed the baby back to the new Mommy and  Mommy sat back down in the warm water with her baby, cord still attached. Kind of tickles me that it was virtually a water birth. 

Sometimes when I meet with prospective clients in the interview time or meet prenatally with families, I ask them to give some thought to the question, "if you could be born again how would you like to be born?" Some may think I'm silly to ask. Some go on a hunt for their original birth story and then their new birth story (imaginary of course) of choice. It's good to put the question out there. Then now, do you know for yourself how you would like to be born (where, when, with who, etc)?  Ask your unborn baby how he or she would like to be born. Spend evenings, days, weeks asking and see if you don't get a sense of what baby is telling you. These three moms listened...listened to their own story and to their baby's story. It seems as clear as a clear crisp day that all happened just as it was supposed to. ♥

Where's My Midwife and Other Activist I Love

You will go out with joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. --Isaiah 55:12

Some of you may think that I'm a little crazy when I put on my Activist Hat.

I am aware more and more of when to not wear that hat and when to wear it. It's not that hard. You know, like when you are out for drinks with the girls and you aren't wearing your Mommy Hat, or you are in the Corporate Board Room and you are not wearing your Party Girl Hat. Same thing.

How many hats do you wear?

Activist is defined as an especially active, vigorous advocate of a cause. When I attend a birthing woman I am rather quiet, not very active, never vigorous, unless we go on a vigorous walk but mostly our walks are not vigorous. Vigorous is not a word I would use around birth. Birth is powerful, but it is smart for all to stay CALM. The name of the game is saving energy, exert as little adrenaline as possible because birth can be a marathon, it is rarely a 50 yard dash and you never know which way things will go. When I am doing Doula work I am NOT wearing my birth activist hat. I am serving a birthing family and I am totally in my doula gear, doula mindset, doula hat. That may surprise some but there is no room in a birthing room for an activist (doctor or doula). In the birth space there should be simple feeding, and simple words of love and endearments (like the time of conception). Feed the birthing woman food to energize her body, feed her kind acts for her soaring heart and feed her encouraging words for her strong soul. I am there to support the birthing woman's wishes, listen as her wishes evolve, act in love and be in the moment, as we await God's perfect gift, this baby! Even when I interview or join a family prenatally, I am 'with woman', I am a servant not an activist.  My servant hat is very different looking than my activist hat.  If questions are asked I will tell the truth and as with most things there are two sides to that truth, one may be heartbreaking, and not be very pretty, one side of the truth may be discouraging. But the other side of the answer may open doors, bring hope, may be down right amazing! Brilliant! When the truth is realized the family may wrestle with old values, belief systems, intuition and hearsay. Hopefully this angst has happened prenatally or preconception.  Again, this is a time of only sharing truths, backed up by evidence, in the servant, not an activist, spirit.  An activist may open wounds to bring healing, and will march and will post until wee hours. A Doula will watch and wait in the wee hours.

As a birth activist it may surprise you that I am also a pacifist. A spiritual person. A Christian. I've always been fighting for babies. Many years ago I fought for the babies Right to Life. My Pro Life belief has not changed. But today I fight for the right for babies to come in a gentle safe way. And for women to have choices in childbirth. I believe that one belief supports the other and the other way around.  If women were supported, loved and valued, when they were born (preconception even), and when they became women (menses), and when they conceived, I believe they'd be more likely to love and value the life within them. I hate abortion, NOT the woman who is in this difficult situation. I know, love and respect many women who have been there.  Giving birth can be a healing time for many who suffer with  PTSD and other physical and psychological issues.  Most of us know that giving birth is a big day, an exciting, happy day.  When women find a safe, supportive PLACE to give birth it can be a transforming and empowering  event.  This can happen when we give birth surrounded by people that honor and believe in us. This knowledge can and is transforming our society - for the better.  Big business (Insurance, AMA, legal systems, etc.) is not on the woman's side...not for the family. They are for big money and big power. Okay, now for the good news! There are now lawyers, scientist, and numbers on the side of truth.  Birth as a Human Rights Issue is getting some press and not going away!!!!

I thank God for the many organizations that are supporting the Improving Birth, National Rally on Labor Day, 2012. These other organizations are already also wearing many hats. They are  working in their neighborhoods, towns, and countries, to improve birth; to bring awareness to the fact that the USA is not setting a good standard for maternity care world wide; that our hospitals are NOT practicing evidence based medicine as it applies to obstetrics. These organizations, these people, are concerned, like me, that in the United States of America's maternal and neonatal mortality rate ranks way WAY below other developed countries.

It's the coolest thing that these other organizations came together and decided to make the Improving Birth National Rally the launching pad for change!

Here are a couple of videos from Where's My Midwife, one of the supporting organizations.


"Where's My Midwife?" from Kirsti Kreutzer on Vimeo.


 


I read all about this "coming together" down on The Farm in News from ImprovingBirth.org

MUST SEE!  Below is a common sense daddy telling it like it is. This guy is from the same state that formed Where's My Midwife, affiliated with the NCFOM (North Carolina Friends of Midwives).




 Do you know the midwifery laws in your state? Did you have options when you gave birth? Do you know your rights as a women giving birth? Birth is a Human Rights Issue.

Til next time. I am off to put on my grandma hat! See you at the Rally!

Peace out, Rosie

Doula Moments, Memories and the Mundane

I wasn't at a birth last night. So why didn't I sleep? Why did I get three hours of sleep? I was thinking and praying for one, two, three, four of the next mommies that I will be with when they give birth. They are amazing women. Each one with a story that makes me feel like a child sitting hand on chin waiting for the next story, the next chapter, the next word that she will speak. I want nothing more than for her to know she is strong. Okay I also want her to know she is healthy, her baby is healthy, her body that grew her baby's ears, eyes, hair, toe nails, that body knows how to birth her baby. Given the respect, the time, the nurturing it needs, it can do anything!

The Doula calling is a blessing...if you don't care about time, if you believe in magic and miracles; if you see the humor and the beauty in the mundane everyday things; and if you can be bored and not frustrated.

I've always acknowledged childbirth, birth in any form, as a miracle. Today, as I attend mostly births in hospitals, I am grateful for the miracle of a busy hospital, or a respectful nurse, so that mom is left to labor in peace and she is given the time this baby needs, the miracle when the nurses believe with us for a VBAC and the miracle of a good on-call doctor.

The magic is not that babies come out our vagina's. The magic is the transformation of a woman into a mommy, a man into a daddy, the world shifting as a perfect and smart new baby enters the room, enters our hearts; when Mom knows her hormonal cocktail is stewing, her baby is molding, her spirit is calm and her loved ones BELIEVE she can do this ~ perfectly ~ her way ~ making herstory.

If you care more about the way that a baby comes into the world, without regard for the time, care more for this new baby's birth day and this new mommy's labor than your own birthday dinner or that Christmas Eve brunch then you are a doula already. The premise of the Doula profession is that "The day a woman gives birth is a day she will never forget." Therefore we want to make it a positive, sweet memory. You know that this baby's birth is also a memory for him, a memory he'll carry in his psyche, on a cellular level, for life, subconsciously effecting his behaviors, decisions. You know that being born in peace and joy and safe calmness can effect not only the babies life but heal the mother or the father, even the stranger that is present, and your time is worth it ~ you are a doula. ♥

I will be present, in my feet, on this ground, on the planet, in my spirit today. And I will be present in the middle of the night, when the quietness wraps me like a blanket and I have time to send you loving thoughts and time to talk to my God. And I will be present when you call me in the middle of the night in labor...or just with a question.
I'm reminded of nights with nurslings, how I loved the one on one time in the semi dark, nursing. That 'present' still nurtures me today.
I hope to be present with you soon. I hope to spend face-to-face, one-on-one time with you soon.

Let's talk about what nurtures you.

Love you madly, Rosie

Recent Birth News

A Home Birth
One of the best doulas in San Diego, CA is Dawn Thompson! Oh! I know that some of you are thinking, "My doula is the best!" Yes, San Diego has a phenomenal bunch of doulas. But all of them will tell you the same thing, Dawn is one of the best! I have had the privledge of knowing Dawn for a few years now and you will soon learn from reading her recent birth story, she is a very normal, down to earth, no-nonsence, fun girl! Dawn's a woman that has found her true calling, Dawn works hard to serve the birthing community and serve her family. She is inspirational one moment and then hilariously normal the next.
On Mothers Day Dawn gave birth to her baby boy, Luke. He weighed 9lbs8oz. Luke's birth story is titled, "A Doula's Journey to Vaginal Birth After Three C-Sections. Congratulations Dawn!!!! Welcome Luke James Thompson!!!
I love the fact that on the Saturday morning before Luke was born, even though Dawn was having early labor, "different than bracton hicks, taking all Mom's attention for a few short seconds every so often (still spaced out), we met at the movie theater to watch the documentary, BABIES. My sil, my niece, my mom, Dawn, her mom, her daughter and I enjoyed the movie. And then not 24 hours later I got the call that Luke was here! Born at home into his daddy's and mommies hands.
See Dawn's website, read about how, as a postpartum doula, Dawn has spent over 11,000 hours with families and their newborns and what those babies taught her. Dawn developed a famously popular Natural Newborn Sleep video

Two Hospital Births
I was blessed to be the doula at two births recently. They were so different. I always 'say' that and it is soooo true. No two labors or births are the same! One was the longest ever and one was the shortest ever! Both were first time moms. Both desired to birth naturally. Both births were vaginal hospital births. Yay! When the statistics are stacking up in favor of cesereans, vaginal birth gets a YAY! The short labor was completely natural. The other mom had a very short epidural near the end of her 42 hour labor.

A Lesson Relearned
The mom that had a short labor might not have considered it short; painless yes, short no. She experienced mild cramping and bloody show for 18 hours. But up until three hours before the birth I seriously thought 'not the real thing'. My only clue that this was the real thing was when dad said, "She won't get off the toilet". The next thing a doula does is speak to the mom. I said, "I'll be right there". As I joined her in her labor room (the bathroom) mom seemed fine, I mean really fine! But upon standing her up to "get this going" mom hung on me and PUSHED! No one minute long contractions, never two minutes apart. I am so glad that I listened to my instincts and remembered my own advice that everyone, each one, births differently.
YOU ARE UNIQUE!

By the way, fast mom got to the hospital in plenty of time. We were at the hospital a whole 40 minutes before baby was born! It was actually a fun, smiling time, the whole time! So much for the :) :\ :( stages of labor!

The longer birth story will take a lot longer to blog and a lot of space, so I'll save that one for another day...and another lesson. :)

Congratulations to all the new Mommies, Daddies & Babies!!!
Truely truely I am blessed.

Sometimes Everyone Needs A Doula

...or Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Every New Years Day I do a hike with my boyfriend, Craig. This year we decided to drive in the Rancho Bernardo neighborhood that spits us out onto a fireroad that leads to hills and large rock formations the southwest side of Lake Hodges. Our regular hike/walk is on two trails on the northeast side of the lake. I always have been intrigued by the steep hills 'across the water'. It's that hill where the mysterious lone house sits, between the I-15 and Del Dios Highway.

The path became boring so we headed up a ravine towards the rocks, towards the top of the hill. It was fun, steep but fun. We stopped often to appreciate the view (and catch our breath). The walk became a climb towards the top...foothold, handhold, foothold, etc. Then I realized I couldn't do the last bit, I was too tired. I was stuck high on a boulder with no way out! I could not go down and I could not go forward.

This realization was quickly followed by fear. "Call 911" ran through my head. Thank goodness I always carry my cell phone (even though we're often out of service area).

By now you are asking yourself, how does this story have anything to do with birth. Here we go : ) ...Labor is often explained as "picture yourself climbing a steep hill", at first you can chat and enjoy the scenery. After laboring (hiking) for awhile you need to concentrate on your breathing and stop for frequent drinks of water. After awhile longer you might be audibly breathing and complaining to your hiking, i mean, labor partner. Soon you learn that complaining doesn't help so you forge ahead and think about the finish line - meeting your baby! In labor some people sing about their favorite things (as in Mary Poppins ) or rock out with their Ipod. Some women just sway with the music. Still other women pray. That is what I did in my predicament on the rock. It's also often what I do at birth. I pray when I am with women that are birthing. I pray to Jesus. Other doula friends chant to their gods. Birth is a spiritual experience.

Towards the end of labor some women will do just what i did on my mountain hike, become fearful, give up, run out of energy. What now? Call 911? Nope. If you have a good labor coach or doula they will say the right things to help alleviate your fears. Once you calm down and relax your birthing muscles birth happens with a lot less pain. Sometimes you need more than a calm voice. My hiking partner (and life partner), Craig, had to use a stern voice with me. I was panicked. When he got through to me and I made the conscious decision to trust him. He lead me out of my dilemma, onto solid ground. I felt like kissing the ground!

One part of my experience that is common to laboring mommies is that I was 'In My Head', spinning worst case scenario, the 'what if' kind. What if I fall and twist my ankle or break my back or get head injury or die... See where my head took me? Spiraling out of control were my thoughts followed by my fears and my pain, powerlessness, and finally surrender. Ahhh sweet surrender (more on that below).

I usually am very comfortable climbing and hiking miles off the trail in unknown territory (Birth is unknown territory for many). But those spinning stories further paralysed me and my natural instincts and intuition went out the door. This commonly happens to women in childbirth. You may have heard your midwife or doula say, Let Your Monkey Do It. Ina May Gaskin wrote about letting your monkey do it in Spiritual Midwifery. Another way to say it is "Stay out of your brain" during labor. This is a challenge in a hospital full of strangers asking questions and technology beeping away. Birthing From Within training taught me a Non Focused Awareness practice that works great in many life's circumstances but especially labor. I was practicing NFA early on - staying in the moment - feeling the breeze, sun, sweat, listening to every sound and smelling the weeds, wildflowers...but in my panicked state I did not practice NFA on the hardest part of my hike. I needed a coach to talk me through each step back to safe ground. That is what a birth doula does.

So I surrendered to my hiking partner's directions and got myself to safety. I surrendered to the helplessness of my situtation. This is not a bad time to surrender. In our society surrender is a horrible thing. We need to be strong! right? Well sometimes folks we just need to let go. In Birth and on the Rock I let go. I remember when I was stuck for what seemed to be hours at 7 centimeters while having my last baby at home. My midwife said (oh so sweetly), "You appear to be thrashing, try to stay quietly still and let that energy go to the contraction" or something to that effect. In my brain I thought "F- - - YOU!" But in my body I trusted her and did exactly as directed. I went to complete or 10 centimeters instantly! And met my baby soon after.

On the rock, I was holding on to a ledge for dear life. My partner sternly told me to "let go" and "grab my hand". Are you kidding me! I brain thought, "No way am I letting go of this rock ledge". It was all I knew, it was solid. I had visions of me pulling Craig down the abyss with me. But in my body I did exactly as my trusted loving partner directed and landed on solid ground!

Its scary to let go. Be brave. Birth Blessings, Rosie

Picture above is the rock I got stuck on and here I am before the hard part of the hike.

Homebirth vs. Hospital Birth - the Doulas Role

Homebirth vs. Hospital Birth – the Doulas Role by Rosie Peterson
The prenatal meetings are different when a women is planning a homebirth.
1) the couple is usually more educated about The Four P's of Labor (Passenger, Passageway, Powers & Psyche), but we cannot assume so as the doula I provide educational resources - education is important.
2) One of the meetings you will be required to attend is the 'dress rehearsal' a meeting that the midwife sets up. Everyone that plans to be at the birth should be in attendance.
3) If the midwife hasn't already, give information about renting birth tub, possible locations to put up tub. I like to walk around the home and maybe the yard and neighborhood more (I do this with hospital clients too) to get a feel for where the women might labor and birth.
Labor - After arriving at the home the Midwife might like to speak to you by phone about mom's progress since you'll probably be with mom before midwife arrives. Home births are why I like to keep my neonatal resuscitation card current - although I've never had to use it. I've not ever been the catcher - yet. : )
Homebirthers sometimes have quick labors - stay alert and know women's prior birth history.
I interact (dance) quietly with Midwife and her assistants more than I do with hospital staff. At hospital birth I often feel the need to have verbal interaction with nurse but at home births I already know the midwife so our interaction is done in silence. It is important to make room and allow midwife and/or assistant to do their assessments while at the same time keeping vigilant watch for mom’s needs.
Postpartum - Most of the work I do at home births I do postpartum, i.e., doing wash, making food for family and midwives, taking care of siblings, taking pictures etc.
It's a birthday party! Sometimes a low-key, modest, unfussy, peacefully, tuck everyone back in bed for the night after sweet bonding time. And sometimes a more festive with music, good people and good food event. But the home births I’ve attended have all been fun!

I especially like that the placenta is not rushed and the official newborn exam is…whenever
(Although mom and baby are monitored throughout labor & thoroughly and often postpartum)
I have a sweet memory of a recent homebirth where after the birth of the placenta (and mom/baby assessments) and before the newborn exam the midwife, her assistant and her apprentice all found a corner to sleep in and the house was strewn with sleeping people. I tiptoed away from a lovely snoring houseful! It was 1:30p.m. (Baby was born at 11am).

Even the time when mom was transported to hospital for retained placenta is a lovely memory… While we waited after the birth for the placenta mom had nursed well, baby had even burped and nursed some more. Mom tried various things to let go of placenta to no avail. When going to hospital was decided mom choose to leave baby with grandma at home. We made the trip to and back from hospital in two hours. Mom went to bed with her baby. She was a beautiful, grateful, happy mommy. Satisfied with herself for a job well done!
-Rosie Peterson